I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
