im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
