I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
