you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
