Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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