ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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