I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
