i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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