if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
