just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
