He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
