Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
