I heard we made out
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
