So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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