it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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