You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
