I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
