Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
