i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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