Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
