That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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