I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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