he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
