I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
