Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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