I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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