So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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