At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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