Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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