I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
