Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
