It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
