So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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