I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
