first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
