so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
