so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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