addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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