he wants to bone in the snuggie
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
