So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
