so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
