he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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