I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
