Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
