Don't make out with my wife yet
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
