I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
