DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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