How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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