I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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