Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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