If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
