Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
