goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
