Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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