If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
