so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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