i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
