you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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