there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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