I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
